High-Functioning But Hurting: When Trauma Hides Behind Productivity

At first glance,they seem like the ideal employee, friend or family member. Always available, ready to take on any request, effortlessly ticking off their to-do lists with precision. You are left wondering, do they even take a break?

For many, productivity becomes more than just a habit, it turns into a defense mechanism. Rest can become an unpleasant experience. As whenever they try to take a break or the moment they slow down, the mind is suddenly filled with guilt and a persistent urge to check one more thing off the list. Beneath their relentless momentum might lie a fear that if they stop, everything might fall apart, including themselves. Being busy becomes a buffer against this fear and a way to avoid the discomfort that the underlying trauma can bring- grief, abandonment, anxiety. Completing tasks, hitting targets provide a fleeting sense of ‘being in control’ which can momentarily feel like safety and accomplishment that helps numb the pain underneath.

This rigid level of control through productivity offers predictability to someone whose life has been shaped by trauma, loss of safety and unpredictability. Trauma does not always show up in dramatic ways. It can stem from unstable or unsafe environments or emotionally neglectful experiences. As a result, the nervous system learns or gets trained to remain hyper-vigilant all the time, scanning for threats and constantly prepared to act. This makes slowing down or resting unfamiliar or moreover unsafe as it contrasts the alertness that once ensured survival. So they keep going: working, helping, achieving. However, this defense is often fragile as deep down it might be tied to chronic anxiety or a rigid belief that their worth is tied to what they do rather than who they are.

Trauma often goes unnoticed in high-functioning individuals as they don’t really look like trauma. It does not appear as breakdowns or visible dysfunction. That’s why it is essential to become aware of how it might be manifesting in day to day life. It often shows up as:

• Hyper-Independence
• Feeling guilty or anxious when your calendar is not full
• Over-identification with your work or performance
• Constant multi-tasking, even during leisure
• Fear of failure or letting others down
• Difficulty or discomfort being alone with your thoughts

These patterns or behaviours are often rewarded and even admired in our culture and workplaces, making it even more difficult for the individuals and those around them to take notice and recognise that something deeper might be going on. Breaking free from this is not just about scheduling rest or downtime, it is also about unlearning and rewiring your relationship with rest. Start by asking yourself, Do I feel guilty when I rest? Am I uncomfortable in silence? Do I equate my worth with how much work I have done? If yes, this might be a good time for you to explore these patterns more deeply.

Re-learning Safety in Stillness

• Create a rest ritual: Rituals can provide structure that can help soothe unfamiliarity. Create a daily routine for “wind-down” with soothing music, guided meditation or journaling. Over time, your body will begin to associate these cues with safety and ease.
• Somatic grounding: Trauma is stored inside the body. Practising grounding techniques such as body scans and other activities that involve gentle movements such as yoga, light stretching or even mindful walking can help you reconnect with the present.
• Redefine productivity: Unlearn the various societal narratives that link rest with unproductivity. Rewire your internal definition of productivity to be inclusive of rest and begin to see rest as something that plays a vital role in sustaining productivity.
• Seek safe spaces: Cultivate environments where you can feel supported and at ease. Where being vulnerable is welcomed and does not feel threatening. Therapy or support groups can also help explore the emotional roots of these patterns.
• Celebrate Being, not just doing: Pause to honour the quiet, intrinsic value of simply being, recognising your self-worth as inherent and not just something that is earned. Allow yourself to receive compassion, rest and joy even when you are not achieving.