Do you remember Shameless? Fiona Gallagher? She is the oldest in the chaotic family who takes up the role of a parent for her younger siblings. Do you remember her journey? Pure survival. It is seen that Fiona is forced to “grow up” way too fast, becoming the breadwinner, emotional rock and protector of her family. Her story is a perfect illustration of parentification, the scenario where little ones take on adult roles that are far away from them, often at the cost of their emotional well-being.
And here’s the kicker—parentification is rarely talked about. And why is that? Let’s unpack the significance of unravelling discussions around this hidden trauma, and about how this could be the first step towards healing for many.
What is Parentification?
Parentification occurs when a child is forced (voluntarily/ involuntarily) to take up responsibilities that are disproportionate to their chronological and developmental ages. There are two main types of this:
- Instrumental Parentification: This is when the child takes on to do physical tasks and provides materialistic support such as cooking, cleaning, and looking after the younger siblings.
- Emotional Parentification: This refers to taking on the emotional burden, such as comforting a parent who’s struggling and managing the family’s emotional needs. It involves being the shoulder to cry on.
Interestingly, both these are overlooked because they hardly look like traditional abuse. There is no physical hurt or neglect, but instead they are put in a situation that is too much for them.
Why to Talk?
The catch is that parentification isn’t easy to see. Parentification affects not only the individual by stealing their childhood, causing fear of failure, struggles with relationships, mental health conditions in latter life, etc. but also the ones around them in several ways, but it often gets swept under the rug. Talking about parentification is essential for several reasons:
- Raising Awareness: Many adults do not realise they’ve experienced parentification until they are much older. Raising awareness helps individuals recognize this trauma and start the healing process.
- Prevention and Intervention: Intervening and supporting families can help prevent kids from taking up roles that they are not ready for. This can help kids before it does lasting damage.
- Breaking the Cycle: Parentified kids can become parents themselves, and without understanding what happened to them, they might end up repeating the same patterns. Talking about it helps break the cycle and create healthier family dynamics in the future.
Some of the potential approaches towards parentified children are:
- Promote Self-Care: Encourage a self-care routine focused on emotional and physical well-being, whether through exercise, hobbies, or relaxation.
- Encourage Open Conversations: Provide a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgement.
- Praise Their Efforts, Not “Adult” Behavior: Acknowledge their qualities without focusing on their responsibilities.
- Set Boundaries: Help them learn to set healthy boundaries and prioritise their own needs.
- Therapy and Counselling: Professional support can help them process emotions and heal from trauma.
In the end, talking about parentification does matter. When we start recognizing the weight these kids carry, we can finally help them step out of those adult-sized roles they were never meant to fill. Start small—set boundaries, make self-care a priority, and remind yourself (or them) that it’s okay to let go sometimes. Let’s bring this hidden struggle out into the open and create space for healing. Spread the word, start the conversation—together, we can make a difference.